Domestic Violence.

There is currently a campaign on Irish TV and radio around domestic violence.

Over 300,000 women and men have been the victim of severe domestic abuse by a partner. Over 70% of people say it’s a common problem in Ireland.

Every time these advertisements come on, I can’t help being reminded of two incidents in particular.

The first was as a fresh faced 18 year old. I say fresh faced, but I really mean acne ridden!

After a night of binge drinking and dancing I stumbled to the taxi rank in Cornmarket, Oxford. As I zig zagged up the street I passed a shop doorway where a girl and her boyfriend were having an argument. He was grabbing her and she was telling him to “Go Away” He then punched her in the stomach.

Being the chivalrous chap I am I stepped in.

“Come on mate, just let her go!” I said. “Let her go home and sleep it off and ring her tomorrow”

I got a punch in the face for my troubles. The police happened to be passing and promptly arrested the two of us. After a night in the cells, I was interviewed.

It turned out her statement and his differed from mine and CCTV didn’t cover the doorway. Meaning no charges were brought against him.

Fast forward to 2002 and the sunny Greek island of Corfu where I was working as a holiday rep.

I’d arranged to meet some other workers and after a few quiet drinks in one of the hotels I was responsible for I headed down the strip.

On my way I came across one of the other workers having an argument with a lad on a moped. He had her by the arm and wasn’t listening to her pleas to “Let her go!”

I approached them and told him “To let her go! And head home”

Another punch to the face and a broken tooth to boot. I saw her the next day riding around with him on the back of his moped.

These incidents serve to remind me that

  1. Onlookers can get involved and ring the police.
  2. Unless the victim makes a statement and follows it through, the offender gets away with it.
  3. More resources are needed to help victims leave the abuser.

I have three sons who are all told that no matter what a girl says or does you never raise your hand to them.

I would have no problems turning one of them in and making a statement if they did.

I will also raise Little Miss OMG to know this is not acceptable and she should not put up with it, if it ever happens to her!

The campaign is good in sofar as it brings a normally unspoken topic into the open. Unless more is done to help victims leave the abuser I feel it is wasted money.

We can all ring the police, step in and tell them to leave, but unless they are willing to press charges and make a statement it is all in vain.

Would you step in if you witnessed domestic abuse?

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16 thoughts on “Domestic Violence.

  1. I’ve. It witnessed it but I know of people involved.

    Well done you for stepping in. I’ve never understood why people stay with abusive partners.

    I’m glad to hear that the campaign focuses on both men and women victims though. Men as victims are often overlooked.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. 100% I would step in. I don’t know whether it would be in vain like your experiences sadly were, but what if it wasn’t, what if that occasion I stepped in I helped a victim finally leave their abusive partner. I don’t have it in me to pass by.

    A man should never be violent towards a woman but equally a woman should never be violent towards a man. Actually why doesn’t everyone just stop being violent!!

    Good post mate 👍

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I would always step in and actually have on a couple of occasions myself long story though and it was family so will never tell the story these figures are huge. Like you I have told my son it’s unacceptable but always it’s the same for daughters not to raise a hand to their partners excellent post Alan

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Like you I stepped in to a situation where a guy was battering a woman outside of a nightclub. It didn’t take much to stop him, but the girl then went right off on me, confused she explained that because I had humiliated him it wasn’t me or the world he was going to take it out on, it was her. By saving her, I had inadvertently put her in danger.

    The other situation was me getting battered by a girl. She was kicking the shit out of me and was only when she took off the stiletto and go to hit me in the head with it that I defended myself. I was cut bruised and bleeding, I hit her once in self defence and I was the one in the wrong.

    While I’ll happily admit that women are by far the greater victims of domestic violence statistically, men are still notionally represented in campaigns such as this. We have posters at work regarding bullying, harassment, and abuse. They portray men on women, women on women, men on men, but not one of the official products show a man being the victim to a hostile woman.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you made that point Tony as that’s where I feel this campaign falls down.
      It’s OK telling people to ring the police don’t look the other way, but when the police go and the victim hasn’t made a statement it is the victim that will suffer.
      I wouldn’t be surprised if the statistics on men are inaccurate as I’m sure there are still many men who wouldn’t report it.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Like Tony, I’ve had multiple times when I’ve really felt like I was in danger from a female. I once had a hammer swung at my head. Besides the obvious lesson that I need to choose my women better, I know that I was able to remove myself from the situation without having to do anything physical to protect myself. That isn’t always the case. I’ve certainly lost my temper before, but like with a child, you’ve got to swallow that anger, not lash out physically. Good for you for stepping in and taking one on the chin for the good guys.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s amazing how prevalent domestic violence still is in this day and age. Both men on women and women on men. At least if we all step in or alert the authorities if unsafe it may help someone to break away from their abuser.
      Thanks for taking time to comment

      Like

  6. I’ve stepped in when drunk and feeling brave. When were in our late teens, some pillock started trying to fight with my brother who had a broken arm at the time. I caught hold of the bloke by the collar and told him to leg it but then realised what a stupid position I’d put myself in when he started swinging punches at me. I ran like hell and he didn’t chase me but could have turned out so differently. I haven’t been in a position like it since. I do know a male who’s been a victim of terrible domestic abuse and the 1 and only time he stuck up for himself after months of her battering the hell out of him she got him charged by the police for assault. His pride stopped him from telling them what had really been going on. They have since split thank god.

    Liked by 1 person

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