Mother’s Day as an Adoptee

I read this post by Nigel Higgins who blogs at DIY Daddy Blog. About step children who call their step parent Mum or Dad. As I’ve been a step parent to two boys for 10 years now I have experience of this. That though is not the focus of this post.

In his post he stated  in situations where the step parent has raised the child from a young age it was OK for them to be called Mum or Dad.

I was adopted at 5. From that time I had a new Mum. Not a step mum or foster mum. A shiny new Mum.

The problem with this, is, like the step child who knows they have someone else out their who is their Mum, I knew I already had a Mum. A Mum who was alive and I had no idea why she left me. I wrote a letter to her here.

I once went on a training course for a door to door sales job. The course was run by a trained psychologist who had moved into sales. He made me realise the way you refer to something shows how you really feel.

For example. I hate door to door salesman knocking at my house. I think they are an irritant who disturb our home. I was a rubbish salesman!

I always refer to my birth mother as my real mother and my adopted mother as just that. My adopted mother. 

Reading Nigels post made me realise. You do only get one mother, unless you are too small to remember, there will only ever be one woman who you consider to be your Mum. 

No matter  how badly they have treated you or what they did, they are always your Mum.

Perhaps this is why I  don’t get carried away with Mothers day celebrations. An obligatory phone call to the states is about as good as it gets. Partly as the US Mothers Day is later in the year and I’m not organised enough to keep a card until then!
It means that poor Mrs OMG is generally let down on Mothers Day. I try to do a bit more housework than normal. (Not hard when normal isn’t much more than hoovering or emptying the dishwasher. Some years I craft a card with the boys.

Some years she gets chocolates, wine and flowers. 

It was a bittersweet occasion when I was growing up. Celebrating a day for the woman who left me with the one who choose me from the orphanage.

Happy Mothers Day to all the Mums. Be it birth or otherwise.

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8 thoughts on “Mother’s Day as an Adoptee

  1. As you (may) know I was in care as a child. Like you I always called my natural mother my ‘real mother’ but my foster mother has always been mum. I can actually remember quite clearly when I was just 5 and had been at school several months realising that other kids didnt call tbeir parents by their first names. I plucked up the courage to ask my foster mother if I could call her mum instead of Stella. She said yes obviously and has been mum ever since. I agree you only get one mum, that is the person who raises you, reguardless of your blood connection to them xx

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  2. For me, Mother’s Day is about celebrating all the women in my life who have helped me become who I am today. Now I have a little girl myself, it now has a whole new meaning. I hope you had a great day.

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  3. I think Mother’s Day is about celebrating the person who is a mum to your – not the one that happened to give birth to you. Your mum chose you, she wanted you and you should celebrate that!

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  4. It must have been hard for you growing up. I am not sure how I feel about Mother’s Day, if I am honest. I think it has evolved into a day where there is a lot of pressure to celebrate the “perfect” mother and the reality there is no such thing. I also have friends who do not get on with their mum and they hate the day as a result as they feel that if they celebrate it then it is false, but then if they ignore it then…Such a tricky day.

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    1. I agree Emma. I think it’s lovely to have a day to make mums feel special, but it can also make everyone feel a bit rubbish, which sort of defeats the point! Alan, it must have been really difficult as an adoptee to know how to take Mother’s Day and a day of mixed emotions. My dad was adopted, but as a baby, so I think he always saw his adopted mother as his ‘real mother.’ I think Mother’s Day should really be for whoever you want it to be for, whoever cared about you growing up that you want to celebrate and thank. xx

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