The Sleep Bandit

I was going to title this post the sleep thief, but the word thief conjures up images of stealth, sneakiness and taking something without being noticed.

A bandit on the other hand robs you openly. They may hide in the shadows but then they jump out and steal from you.

My sleep bandit is not insomnia, it’s also not currently a warning that all is not well on the mental health front. Neither is it middle age creeping up on me with aches and pains. It is my sweet darling daughter.

 An appropriate picture. Don’t you think?

It’s not the lack of sleep that’s the problem. Ever since I can remember I’ve been a poor sleeper. Well not really poor per sé, poor at getting to sleep once asleep nothing could wake me. 

I can survive with a smaller amount of sleep than most. Years of not being able to sleep and having to get up for work and then head into a second job in bars trained me in surviving on a few hours sleep. As long as I catch up every now and then all is good.

Remember the storms of 87? Michael Fish informed us all that we were safe. Off to bed we went. I popped in my headphones and lay there listening to the Big Yin until finally sleep overcame me. The next morning at breakfast everyone else was bleary eyed and talking about the wind that had kept them awake. The school yard was strewn with leaves and branches. I slept through it all.

So why am I writing about Little Miss OMG turning into a bandit and stealing my sleep? Stick with me and I’ll explain.

The reason prison is supposed to work as a deterrent to crime is the thought of having your freedom taken away. 

No one likes paying taxes as it is money being taken away without us having a say in it. We’ll happily spend more than we were taxed that month on a stag weekend necking cheap beer and shots.

The same with my sleep. It’s one thing for me to lie on the couch watching hours of boxsets on Netflix (Just finished The Ranch.) Or chatting on Twitter. It’s a completely different thing to be used as a human horse, trampoline and gopher by a two year old dictator. Who knows she can get me to do pretty much anything she wants. As my job at that time of night is to stop her waking her Brothers until she finally succumbs to sleep.

You see there is also the mental effort required to keep yourself awake and alert as you know that if you fall asleep ANYTHING could happen!

There is also the unwinding time I need after she has fallen asleep. Unlike Mrs OMG who can climb into bed, close her eyes and be fast asleep in seconds never mind minutes. I need time.


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